until they are gone.

most humans have a similar tendency. some say it is just human nature, some say it is ingratitude. regardless, it happens all the time. there are so many cases that they have written books and made motion pictures all about it. this tendency is to not appreciate the ones we love enough until they are gone.

it is funny--you see, we love these people, and maybe we even say to them how much we love them. maybe even a lot. but somehow we forget to show them all the time. the pattern is an old one. one discussed often; perhaps so excessively that it has now become redundant. nevertheless, i still have my story to share, my feelings to express, my lessons to learn.

is it not a little bit weird that the people whom we neglect are the people we are around the most? i do nice things for people i barely know more often than i do for my own family members. our family members somehow always get the brunt of our anger, the burden of our sadness, the shock of our embarrassments. rarely do they get the fullness of our love.

as you can see, i've been pondering things lately. and samuel and i made a pact the other day that we are going to do our best from here on out to live our lives with no regrets. this caused me look back on my interactions with people--mostly my family--and think about things i do regret. so i've asked myself, "how can i restore these relationships and feel satisfaction in them instead of regret?" in other words. it's time to make some things right.

now, luckily my list of regrets isn't extremely long. it is really only a couple of things that need a bit of mending. and number one on the list is letting this one really special girl know how much i love her.

so, nychea, my beautiful little sister. i'm sorry that i haven't shown you enough how much i adore you. you are so positive, you are so happy, and you always make everyone else around you happy as well. i love how excited you get over everything. you are so full of life and so passionate. i love that about you. you are so kind to everyone, and you have the best smile. i love how you are always smiling.
i am sorry that it has taken me until i have been married and moved away from home to realize how lucky i am to be your sister and have your shining presence in my life. i am truly blessed by all that you have added to our family. i really adore you nychea and i think i believe in you more than you believe in yourself. if there is anything you lack it is confidence. you are so beautiful and athletic and smart! i know that you can do anything that you want to if you just work hard enough. i so wish i could spend more time with you. i cannot wait until megan's wedding! we are going to have so much fun.

i still see you as the little girl with lion hair in the mornings, but when i look at you i am amazed at what a beautiful person you have become. i can't believe that you are going to be a senior this year! and i am so proud of you for being brave enough to make big changes despite dissenting voices. you are one of my heros and i love you more than you will ever know. i know that this is just a blog post about you, but since we can't talk a lot while i'm in canada i hope it means as much to you as it does to me.
see you in october pretty girl. until then i hope you know i am missing you terribly. you. are. wonderful.
and yes i cried while writing this.