my forth of july in nevada was much needed and well worth all the extra traveling. sometimes you just need to go home to clear your head and catch your breath. the only thing was, i really missed that husband of mine. so the next afternoon (the fifth) i headed to reno in megan's car to meet up with logan (her fiance). logan had come down for his grandma's funeral and so we decided we would drive back to canada together.
one thing about growing up in rural nevada is that you learn to adapt to having to drive a really long way to go... basically anywhere. the closest walmart is like, three hours away. just sayin'. so being that i am such a great adapter (*cough*), i now love driving. but i don't just love driving in general, i love driving in nevada. there is nothing like coming out of a mountain pass, down into a valley and seeing the whole big, wide open landscape in front of you. i love all the trees and green in canada. but i missed those views. the endless sky that makes it seem like you can see on and on forever and the way the road just lays straight out in front of you for miles until in the distance you can see it start to curve up into the next pass. it's perfect.
it was amazingly comforting and oddly therapeutic--my drive across that big desert. there is such a huge part of me on that lonely highway 50. sometimes--especially early in the morning--it literally feels like you're the only person left in the world. just you and all that sky. i've made that drive more times than i can count, and it seems that each time i have, i haven't been the same keisha. there is no place that i can think better than on that road. and i can't explain it. i'm trying... but i'm not saying it right. and maybe no one will ever know how it feels or what i am talking about, and that's ok. because i do.
and then now that i was back i didn't know how to feel about it. until that night when i was trying to fall asleep; restless, and anxious to go to the temple the next day. i lay there and those feelings from the desert rain came flooding over me. and i felt that again, that wholeness. and i knew it was okay to close that chapter. and i knew that all those other well-watered plots inside of me were the right ones. and i felt that healing in the dry, cracked plot of earth deep down in there, somewhere. and i knew that i had made the right choices. and a little voice whispered, "it's okay to feel this way, and it's okay to let go, too." and then i slept.
and the next day, i was finally here. in the most wonderful place. and there was only... p e a c e.