Night Train

Dear Samuel,

I'll never forget that October night, almost two years ago--do you remember? That Monday night after Halloween weekend--the last one we shared before I had to get on that plane to go back to school and start missing you again. I think you know the one.

That night summed up all the giddiness of our weekend together. It was the perfect way to seal the memories of meeting your family, motorcycle rides around the lake, and our first I love you's.

We threw a mattress in the back of your truck, grabbed as many quilts and pillows as we could carry and ran out the door in the middle of the night. We drove down to the bridge by the railroad tracks and parked with the bed facing east.

We jumped out and emptied our pockets full of change onto the tracks to see how many coins we could smash under the heavy wheels of the late night train, then ran back to the truck to wait for it to come chugging by.

We rolled all the windows down and cranked up the music, then jumped in the back under the heavy warmth of the denim quilts we had brought. We lay there, trying not to freeze in the early winter air that always seems to hang over Bear Lake in late autumn. And we kissed.

We talked and laughed and got to know each other under a new level of trust and care than before. Pretty soon we heard the whistle of the train in the distance and we both jumped up and ran towards the track.

The wind rushed by my face and took my breath away as the big engine came roaring by, its bright light gleaming in your eyes, and me melting under your gaze. All the while my heart was beating louder than the sound of the steel on steel as the box cars kept passing just feet away. I can still feel that smile on my lips...

We lost almost all of the coins we had laid on the tracks, but we didn't care. I remember we were walking back to the truck under a billion stars when I thought, I will never get enough of this, enough of you.

We laid in the back of your truck, cuddled up in the same position for hours; unmoving as to not let even the slightest amount of cold air in. It was a crystal clear night, you know, one where it feels like you can see every single star sparkling in the sky. Little did we know, there was a meteor shower that night, as if the night could get anymore dream-like, and we fell asleep counting shooting stars while we talked about the future.

I ended up missing my 6:30am flight out of SLC that morning, but I'd say it was worth it. I'm so grateful for that night, and for all the amazing moments we have had together to fall so deep in love. I cherish every single one. I think this song was written just for us. Let's go listen to the night train...again ;)

Philippians 1:3


I naturally avoid change at all costs--it is not something that I enjoy. Some people do, some people itch for change and get bored easily; that's not me. I enjoy being comfortable. I like clothes that are comfortable, I like jobs that are comfortable, I like living situations that are comfortable, I like relationships that are comfortable. I hate when things don't go according to plan, or when plans change last minute, and I hate feeling insecure.

Even if it is a good change, it is still hard for me to adjust. I mean, I can't even change my hair without having a major meltdown--even if I like it! It takes me weeks to get used to a new hairstyle and decide that the new really is better than the old. I like conversations that flow easy, I like cars that ride smoothly, and I like blankets that are soft; and I notice, and am very sensitive to when they are not. Therefore, I have a natural aversion to change, because, well--it is severely uncomfortable for me.

Sometimes this aversion to change holds me back, but usually I can weigh the benefits and the discomfort and make the right decision. It also helps that I am married to a man that doesn't mind change or inconvenience, because he helps me through it--although I do admit that I do not always make it easy for him.

So when I say a change I made was good, I don't say it lightly, and I mean it. A little more than a month ago Samuel and I made the decision for him to change jobs, which meant we were moving, again, and that I would be losing my job too. Lots of change. But we both felt good about it, so we (I) mustered up all of our (my) courage and pressed forward, full steam ahead.

At first I was nervous, and things didn't go exactly as we had planned along the way, but I am glad they didn't, because in those minor set-backs that we faced we had the chance to see God's hand in our lives. We found opportunities and people along our way to help us in this journey when we didn't know how we were going to make it on our own. This confirmed our feelings that this was the right decision, as well as strengthened our resolve to keep going. Our relationship has grown stronger, and we can both already see the benefits of the changes we have made.

We are now calling the Denver, Colorado area home (for now), and we love it here! Things have been going better than we could have ever imagined, and life is good. We are excited for what our future here holds for us, and we are both feeling super grateful for the journey we have taken to get here.

Sometimes change is good, even for me.