Burying My Weapons

Just because I am deeply and forever in love with my husband does not mean that I treat him perfectly, or that we do not have arguments. In fact, it means the exact opposite. I care so much about him and his opinion that if he disagrees with me about even the most trivial of things it often offends me, and I find myself giving him the silent treatment more often than I would like to admit.

The other night as we lay on opposite sides of our king bed with our backs turned to one another and a sea of sheets, blankets, and pillows between us, I was feeling angry and taking my go-to "vow of silence" with a pouty face and a hard heart. I lay there fully planning on just falling asleep and letting him suffer for his (I'm sure since I can't even remember what the argument was about) minor infraction.

Mostly I think I was just overly tired, and overly emotional, and over life at that moment. Instead of letting me go to bed mad, and letting our argument continue (which would have been very easy for him to do) I felt his hand fish under the covers for mine and a little smile grew on my face as he intertwined his fingers in mine. I then relented and let my toes wiggle towards his until my cold feet met his warm ones.

It is so hard to stay mad at a man who is so humble and willing to apologize for the silliest of things in order to try to mend my hurt feelings. If there is one thing I cherish about my husband it is that our relationship and my feelings are more important to him than his pride. He is almost always the first one to say "I'm sorry" and try to make amends. I am so grateful for that.

On the other hand, I also realize that I need to make a better effort to learn from his example and be more humble--not only in making amends after a fight, but also in establishing peace in place of conflict. I choose almost daily to take up my "weapons" (hurtful words/silence/etc.) against him. I arm myself with all of the things that I know will sting or hurt him, and I use them until I feel that my point has been made or my end met. Not okay. I know that Satan rejoices in our contention, and I don't want even the smallest amount of distance to grow between us while each storm blows over.

So, this is my resolution: instead of taking up arms against my husband and being defensive all the time, I will strive to be more composed, always trying to be in control of my emotions and responses instead of just naturally reacting and going with the "flow" of getting offended or angry. I have also really come to understand that I am responsible for making myself happy. I've heard that a million times in my life, but I never once thought about it in a marital setting since being married is so new for me. Yes, your spouse sure is a contributor to happiness in this life, but we are the primary care-takers of ourselves, and as such we can decide to be happy, always. Luckily, my spouse happens to try and do anything and everything he can to help me in that endeavor, but it is time that I understand that his behavior should not determine my disposition. I am the curator of my own happiness.

My word of advice to all the couples out there choosing to work at their relationship daily; hold hands if there is any tension between the two of you, and don't let go until you feel better. I promise the ill feelings won't last long ;)

"...they buried the weapons of war, for peace."
- Alma 24:19

Some puns about this post for you: we are at the Hopewell Mounds in Chillicothe, OH in these pictures where the Hopewell Indians buried their dead with their riches AND their weapons. Also, it is storming and we were both hoping that it would pass. I know...right?

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