And I Will Also Be Your Light...

This morning I woke up uneasy. I had knots in my stomach and my heart ached. I just felt weird. Off, ya know? I feel some big changes coming on in our life together and it is sometimes hard to feel like you have both feet planted firmly on the path you are supposed to walk. I mean, the outlines for my life are clear: put God first, then family; have clear goals; stay true to your values; try your best. But there are so many variables! I want to finish school, I want to settle down, I want to travel, I want to start a family, I want to spend more time with Sam--just the two of us...it is slightly overwhelming, right!? I mean!

So, I was laying in my bed, eyes wide open at 6am this morning, trying to sort out my feelings, when I picked up my scriptures and stumbled upon this verse. It's in First Nephi, so I mean, as many times as I have started reading the Book of Mormon, you would think I'd have it memorized. But it popped out at me like it was almost written in gold letters:

"And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led." - 1 Nephi 17:13

So can we just talk about this for a minute. I mean, please! What beautiful promises!

• "I will be your light in the wilderness..." My life feels like a wilderness right now. I mean, not in some dramatic, I'm lost, I can't see through the trees, it's dark and cold and lonely, way. I just feel like I need some direction, and some comfort, and some...more. I need more "light" than I can provide for myself. What a beautiful promise, that He will be the guiding light we need!

• "I will prepare the way before you..." What a comfort you guys! How my heart just swellllls at this statement from our loving Father in Heaven. I look back at my life and the people I have met, and the paths I have taken and I can see the hand of God, my loving Heavenly Father, paving the way and preparing me to move forward in the direction he knows is best for me. How glorious is it to know that He is constantly preparing a way for us to learn and grow from experiences that are shaping us into who He wants us to be!

• "...ye shall be led towards the promised land;" The promised land, or the promised blessings He has in store for us are along the way He is preparing! If we but trust in Him, those blessings can be ours! God wants us to succeed, and if we keep the commandments we are promised that He will assist us in reach and achieving our goals! He is always leading and guiding us in the right direction, all we need to do is heed His voice and follow Him!

• "and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led." Not only will God do all of these things for us if we strive to live by His commandments, but He will build our testimonies of His very existence and His presence in our lives! I have come to know this as I have strived to put my trust in Him and allow Him to lead me. The more I trust in Him and heed the promptings of the Spirit, the more I notice how much He is helping me, and how much He loves me and knows me.

I am so grateful for the scriptures. I have to admit that I have been a slacker at reading and studying over God's word lately, and I have noticed (obviously from my above feelings) the absence of the certainty and peace that they normally afford me. I am making a commitment to be better, and to dive in and "feast" on the words that God has given us to help us in this life. I have missed so much the blessings that come from studying the scriptures. I mean, look at the treasures that are in this one verse!

I am feeling so extremely blessed today. To know what I know, to know who I know, and to be where I am. Life is good, and God is great.

father's day

“You can do it, Keish. I promise I won’t drop you.” The words weren’t much of a comfort as I stood on the floor looking up to my dad’s smiling face as he said them. We were at the top of the stairs that went down to the basement, I took a big gulp of air and swallowed hard as I looked down into the darkness. I shook my head, “I’m too scared daddy.”

He assured me that everything would be fine once more, and mustering every ounce of courage my four-year-old self had, I let him hoist me onto his shoulders. My mom was giggling at my fear-filled face as she handed me the new light bulb, “Just screw it in really fast sweetie,” she smiled.

I concentrated so hard on not dropping the shiny glass bulb that I started to feel my hards get sweaty as my dad carefully found footing on the wooden molding lining each side of the stair well. He stood up straight and I found myself face to face with the grey-looking bulb that had burned out earlier that day. I put the new bulb in my left hand ever so carefully, and then unscrewed the old bulb, putting the new one in its place.

As my dad set me back down on the floor, I felt the shakiness leave me, and the nervousness disperse. Finally, I was able to take a deep breath and I looked up at my parents offering them a sheepish grin. “See, that wasn’t so bad. I told you I wouldn’t drop you,” my dad said in response to my shy demeanor. I just giggled, thinking it was still scary. I was so grateful for the new light bulb, because I was terrified of the dark, and all of my toys were down in the basement in the toy room. Since our basement was unfinished, it was already creepy enough down there, but I didn’t even attempt braving that place in the dark. I was sure that something scary was going to grab my legs through the open spaces in the stairs every time I went down there to play.

That’s my dad, though. Always assuring me that he wouldn’t let me fall, always making sure I’ve had enough light to see where I’m going and always showing me that there are no monsters hiding in the dark. It wasn’t just new light bulbs to guide me to the play room though, my dad offered me a guiding light all of my life in his shining example of love for our Savior, Jesus Christ. My dad strove to embody the example that Christ set for all of us in His time here on earth. Namely a love for his fellow men, a devotion to serving others—even at his own expense, and an unadulterated hope despite trying circumstances, disappointments, set-backs, or the disparaging words of his peers.

I was lucky enough to watch him all of my life and learn from his example of striving to grow each day; and sacrificing good or fun things, for better things. My dad has always shown me the difference between want and need, and led our family with an unmatched work ethic. My dad possesses a confidence in his actions and himself that is awe-inspiring, and a love for my mother that I have admired from a very young age.

As I grew, my dad tried to teach me all of these qualities that I could see him trying to develop in himself, and just like any kid, I fought him the whole way. I didn’t want to go brand cows when the last day of school got out for summer vacation. I didn’t want to wake up at 5 in the morning to move sprinkler pipe before school, and later, I didn’t want to wake up at 5 in the morning to attend seminary most of the time. In high school I drug my feet on the way to church, and I drug my feet on the track, but he never let me quit and I will always be thankful for that. It wasn’t until later in my life that I realized how much quitting anything, even small things, can hinder you from achieving your goals and dreams.

When I left for college I know my dad hoped that I would hold on to the lessons and the light of not only his example, but also Christ’s example that I had learned so much about. It was a trying time for me and my family, and for the first time in my life, my dad wasn’t there to show me there were no monsters in the dark; because when I stepped out of the light, there were many monsters there to greet me. Luckily, my dad’s light continued to shine for me. He never judged me, or gave up on me during these trying times. Instead, he loved me fiercely and was a loyal and reliable friend—while still being a parent. I know he isn’t perfect, but he loved me perfectly in my hour of need.

I am so thankful for the prayers of my father (and of course my mother) on my behalf during that time. As each year passes I am continually more grateful for the example that my dad has always been to me, and for all of the truth that he has continually taught me. It was all of those things that helped me find the greatest love of all—the redeeming love of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Out of all the accomplishments in my life, my most treasured are the ones that happened under the beaming, proud smile of my dad. I strove, most of the time, just to make him proud. I know that our Father in Heaven will one day look upon my dad with that same beam if only for the way that he loved me, and helped me grow closer to my Savior. My dad isn’t perfect, but he has taught me an eternal and invaluable lesson to always strive to be like Jesus—to love others as fiercely as I can, and to always rely on Christ’s example of pure love as a guide for my life. You’re my hero, Dad.

The Butchart Gardens

It is beyond words. We were lucky enough to go a few days after we arrived on the island. It was an incredible expereince. Sam and I just wandered around totally lost in this place's beauty and in each other. One of the most romantic places we have ever been. The whole idea behind it is just so romantic, a man built it for his wife! Best. Present. Ever. Enjoy:

Cluxewe (Port McNeill)

we stayed in this heavenly place known for killer whale watching during our last week in british columbia. it was the best way to say goodbye to an adventurous summer.

on the way up to port mcneill from port alberni we stopped at cathedral trail and checked out some amazingly beautiful/old/huge trees there. it was breathtaking.

whilst in cluxewe (near port mcneill)

driving all the way up the island

staying in nanaimo for a night (living forest oceanside)

waking up to the waves crashing on the shore everyday

hoping to see a killer-whale

catching peyton partying

watching patron

deciding to go home

that moooon

Port Alberni

beautiful doors

sunsets

motorcycle rally

autumn in full force!

amazing breakfast!

look close: perfect spider web.

port alberni was

a giant spider

that hug by that place

a night ride

td every other day

autumn in full force

breaking points

diverse congregations

amazing breakfast at miller's place

tsunami territory

Duncan

the hardest part about this gypsy life is finding a new gym to work out at every week. this one was cool.

new toys for peyton.

peyton and i took a day trip to crofton to see the ocean and drop off lunch to sam. it was gorgeous.

peyton learns to shake a paw!

just behind the campground we stayed while in duncan.

while in duncan

peyton learns to shake a paw

super 8

staples/subway/petsmart/sushi/safeway

office party

cloudy, blustery, swirling wind day

natives playing music at night

camping by the river