Nychea Graduates!

At the beginning of June while we were still in Ohio, Megan and I flew home to Nevada for my little sister Nychea's high school graduation. It was a terribly long trip for such a short time, but it was so worth it and so much fun! We left Columbus at 6am on Wednesday the 5th (that is 3am Pacific Time which means I woke up at 1am Pacific Time and only got about 4 hours of sleep).

We landed in Vegas around 10:30am and our good friend Mitchell, who lives there and came with us to Nychea's graduation, picked us up. Then we made the 3 hour drive from Vegas home, got ready, and were sitting down watching Nychea walk across the stage to get her diploma by 6:00 pm. Crazy.

Nychea is so lucky that she got to have my amazing and smart mama as a teacher in high school! My older sister Megan and I went to a different high school than the one where she taught. They share so many special memories together because of the time and experiences they shared at school. I love these two so much!

Nychea's friends are the cutest! I remember when she and Alexis (left) first met, they were in second grade! They used to play together at our house all the time and it is such a trip to think they are old enough to be out on their own now! *frownsmile*

^^^Aryton (left) is one of my very best friend's little brothers. It really freaks me out to see him. He is so tall and old! I just felt ancient when I saw him!^^^


^^^Hannah!!!!! That is all.^^^

After the ceremony our whole family - Samuel (he had to work and couldn't come and I was SO sad about it) + Mitchell went to dinner at The Jailhouse Cellblock Steakhouse, a local restaurant where Nychea worked during high school. I had the Baked Chicken Alaska and it was AMAZING! We tried to celebrate that night with Nychea, but we were just so tired after that long trip.

^^^We stole Nychea (and her dinosaur) back to Ohio with us for the weekend afterwards, and it was the greatest!^^^

We had a flight out of Vegas the next day around 3pm so we left the next morning, like I said, short trip. It was so much fun to see family and celebrate all of Nychea's accomplishments in high school with her though. I love her so much! I feel so blessed to have sisters who are my best friends as well. I can't believe Nychea is old enough to be a high school graduate and in college now! So crazy! She is the sweetest girl and she is so driven. I can't wait to see all that she accomplishes! One time I wrote a post about how much I love that girl. You can read it here.

like desert rain.

my forth of july in nevada was much needed and well worth all the extra traveling. sometimes you just need to go home to clear your head and catch your breath. the only thing was, i really missed that husband of mine. so the next afternoon (the fifth) i headed to reno in megan's car to meet up with logan (her fiance). logan had come down for his grandma's funeral and so we decided we would drive back to canada together.

one thing about growing up in rural nevada is that you learn to adapt to having to drive a really long way to go... basically anywhere. the closest walmart is like, three hours away. just sayin'. so being that i am such a great adapter (*cough*), i now love driving. but i don't just love driving in general, i love driving in nevada. there is nothing like coming out of a mountain pass, down into a valley and seeing the whole big, wide open landscape in front of you. i love all the trees and green in canada. but i missed those views. the endless sky that makes it seem like you can see on and on forever and the way the road just lays straight out in front of you for miles until in the distance you can see it start to curve up into the next pass. it's perfect.

it was amazingly comforting and oddly therapeutic--my drive across that big desert. there is such a huge part of me on that lonely highway 50. sometimes--especially early in the morning--it literally feels like you're the only person left in the world. just you and all that sky. i've made that drive more times than i can count, and it seems that each time i have, i haven't been the same keisha. there is no place that i can think better than on that road. and i can't explain it. i'm trying... but i'm not saying it right. and maybe no one will ever know how it feels or what i am talking about, and that's ok. because i do. 

but this particular drive was different. because i had never been more different than those other keishas. for heaven's sake my name wasn't even the same. it was more than that, though. it was the fact that i was going back to a place where i changed so much. and it was weird. really, it was. the only thing more perfect than those views on that drive was when a small miracle happened. right on my windshield. i know, i was honored. it was the tick, tick, tick sound of little rain drops falling from the sky. and for the first time since april the desert was getting some rain. next thing i knew there was a rainbow on my right, and a rainbow on my left, and my windows were down--in the rain. i rode like that for a long, long time, and just thought. like i always do.

the air was heavy with the scent of sagebrush and wet dust (if you live in nevada you know what i mean). there is nothing like it. it's different than rain in washington, or in canada where i had just come from. there, it rains all the time. sometimes too much... but out here? it's something special. and it was extra special to me that day. there was something inside of me that needed to be there for that. i can't really understand why, maybe i never will. but if i could try....i'd say that the desert was like something inside of me. something that had been sitting there for months and maybe even years, thirsting and dying from the lack of something (not particularly rain, but...). all these other parts of me were well watered. they were cared for and nourished, but this one patch of dry desert earth was still cracked and dry. and then, before i even knew what was happening i started to feel the healing in that piece of earth. i could almost see it, soaking up that water and those cracks disappearing. and there was wholeness. and it felt so good.

i pulled in to town and all of the familiar sights and sounds and the way the freeway turns there and this exit, and that sign, and remember when, and my mind was just a jumbled mess. i had a life there. in reno. but it wasn't my life anymore. but it was still a little part of my life. and it was weird. i was so far away from all of that, but just being there pulled me into a pool of memories. there wasn't closure there, in reno. there was closure with the people that i left behind, and there was closure with the university i un-enrolled from. but not with this city. i left hastily. one day, after my last final, i was packed up and gone. and i knew deep down i wasn't ever coming back, and nothing would ever be the same, but i didn't let myself really know it.

and then now that i was back i didn't know how to feel about it. until that night when i was trying to fall asleep; restless, and anxious to go to the temple the next day. i lay there and those feelings from the desert rain came flooding over me. and i felt that again, that wholeness. and i knew it was okay to close that chapter. and i knew that all those other well-watered plots inside of me were the right ones. and i felt that healing in the dry, cracked plot of earth deep down in there, somewhere. and i knew that i had made the right choices. and a little voice whispered, "it's okay to feel this way, and it's okay to let go, too." and then i slept.

and the next day, i was finally here. in the most wonderful place. and there was only... p e a c e.

everyone wants a broke horse.

i had my mom's boots on and the wind was blowing so hard i could feel the dirt sticking to my sweaty face. i knew that it was also slowly whipping my hair into thinly dirt coated knots. i knew because it had happened so many times before. after you finally push a heard of cows off the range and get off your horse, you know that if you look closely in the mirror you would be able to see the dirt clinging to your face and with one touch to your head you know your hair is holding more dirt than what's on the bottom of your boots.

i missed that feeling. and i reveled in it as i sat on that tire and watched my dad turn this gelding in circles with only his hands. i wanted so badly to get up on that beast and feel his unruly power underneath me. i wanted that rush. i wanted to be on a horse again so badly, but i knew it was stupid. carmelo hadn't even ever had a saddle on his back, let alone a rider.

so i watched as my dad kept working, and working, until finally he got far enough to lay across the horses back (still no saddle). i couldn't believe it. and it didn't stop there. after only a couple of hours we had him saddled. and after a few jumpy circles in the round corral carmelo settled down and finally let samuel mount him. i was in disbelief. only a few short hours ago this horse was running around aimlessly and was pretty skitish, now my dad was leading him around with my little brother on its back?

it was beautiful. the whole process. from getting carmelo to turn this way and that by the point of a finger, to getting him to come to my dad with the click of his tongue. i hadn't seen so much raw.. progress in months. it was astounding. finally, i knew what i had to do. i jumped down off that tire and walked up to that horse. my dad kind of looked at me with a questioning sideways glance, but i nodded my head and he knew. next thing i knew i was climbing on top of carmelo's warm back. every breath he took made my legs go in and out and i could feel his racing heart beat while his heavy breaths rang in my ears. this was happening.

we were out in the middle of nowhere, and no one was saying a word. just us and the desert. i sat atop carmelo and my dad turned him right and left as i applied pressure to the appropriate side with my foot. i just soaked in the smells, the dust being stirred up from carmelo's foot steps, and the experience of the change that had just taken place in this beast. he was finally broken.

as i swung my leg over his back to dismount, i glanced up at my dad with such admiration. how does he do it? how do you make an animal obey you, respect you, tolerate you this way? i was in awe. at this man that i am lucky enough to call my dad, and at carmelo's calmness--after all of that. we've broken horses together before, my dad and me--but never like this. what i remember before is a few bucks, a mouth full of dirt, and a "get back on," from my dad. this was different. this was elegant. this was artistic. i guess my dad's just getting smarter about horses, or horses are getting smarter about my dad. who really knows?

all i know is that what my dad said as we walked away from the pen that carmelo was safely locked up in has stuck in my mind since that evening. "well, everyone wants a broke horse," he said. and it stuck. just like i said, it's been there ever since. i don't know why, but i mused on it all night. i always think too much, about everything. if you know me at all you know that. but i twisted and turned that sentence in my mind over and over again until it was so pliable i could have made it into a pretzel.

and that pretzel looked like a stark realization. nothing comes easy. and i know people say that all the time, but after this day it hit me like a ton of bricks. everything requires effort, talent, practice, work. you have to develop relationships. work at them. cultivate them. just like breaking a horse.

and just like breaking a horse, you have to train yourself as well. happiness, contentment. these things don't just happen. your disposition is something that you have to refine. moods that are easy aren't the good ones. being angry, being sad, those emotions are easy to feel. being happy, being positive is something you have to work at.

my dad was so right though. everyone wants it easy. they want the easy way out of their problems, the easy way to have fun... everyone wants a broke horse. that's the problem with our society. that's why our nation is so far in debt, that's why the divorce rate is through the roof, that's why people lie and steal. it's just so much easier.

the fourth of july, in america.

after we left chase, samuel headed down to greenwood and on the way dropped megan and i off in kelowna at the airport so we could go home for the fourth of july. now, there are a lot of things i have loved about canada, but i was so excited to go home for america's birthday. you don't even know.

so after a long night at the airport, on literally no sleep megan and i finally landed in vegas on monday morning (the first). i can't even explain the feelings that came over me when i stepped out of that airport. i took a deep breath of that hot, dry desert air and just sighed. i was really home, sort of. i wasn't even mad that we had to sit in the heat for a few minutes waiting for my mom. i felt like my skin was just drinking in the heat, and maybe my heart was too.

when we landed in seattle i walked off the plane and saw this. i wanted to kiss the ground. missed the usa so much!

it's a weird thing, leaving a place that is so familiar to you. you don't realize how comfortable you are there until you leave for awhile. all my longing for the desert was all the sudden quenched just sitting on that bench outside of passenger pick up. i still remember the old van pulling up and a little tanned  odey (odessa) jumping out to give me a hug. couldn't believe how tall her and sam had both gotten in just a few months! boy oh boy was i happy to see them. they are so amazing. there is nothing better than happy, smiling children greeting you like it's christmas morning and you are the best present they have ever gotten.

then it was a trip to the mechanic to get the ac fixed (thank goodness) and one amazing dinner at cafe rio. i really thought i was dreaming after that first bite. finally some good mexican food! and horchata! i was in heaven. after we gorged ourselves we then took a drive to see my dear friend camille and her family. it was so nice to catch up with them, not to mention partake of here mom's amazing cooking!

my whole goal going home was to go to the temple. that is all i wanted to do, and so badly that my heart ached for it. i hadn't had a chance to go since we were married and i was so longing for those feelings, especially being far from home in a different country. so we decided to stay the night since the temple is closed on monday's and go to a session the next morning. meanwhile my siblings took full advantage of camille's family pool. so fun.

the next morning my mom and i got dressed up and made the drive across the valley to the hill where the temple stands. it was so beautiful i could have cried...and then, almost did when we found out it was closed for renovations. talk about a bummer. so we did what all good women do, we went shopping!

that night we headed back to the ranch and every mile we drove seemed to elevate my spirits. gosh, i really miss that place. we pulled in late, and all i did was unpack and go to bed, but it felt so good to be back in that place. the next day was the forth of july, and usually it's a big deal and we go to the parade and are busy all day... but not this year. this year called for some good quality together time, doing something we all love--breaking a horse.

click on "breaking a horse" to read the extended post.