South Dakota:: Part I

We left Ohio early in the morning, it was still dark, but you let me sleep while you started our drive to South Dakota. When I opened my eyes I could see the window was cracked, and the sky was already bright with the sun's rays. I closed my eyes--not there yet, not even close.

I sat there, listening to the wind whip passed the car, and tried to pretend I didn't notice it blowing my hair into my face. I thought sleep would overtake me again, but I couldn't give into it. I was too aware of my sticky back and sore neck. I sat up, shaking off the last of my sleepiness and turned to you. A smile started on my lips...I can't seem to keep it away for long when you are around.

You turned and looked at me with those squinty eyes you do, and you pushed your mouth out a little to one side as if to say, "Oh hey. Where have you been my whole life?" My heart leapt. You always get this gleam in your eye when you look at me that way that puts my heart at ease, because I know you are happy, and I am happy too. It is a funny happiness, a contentment that is fleeting, but unmistakable in those moments that it comes. All of our circumstances screamed discomfort, but in those moments when it was just us two gypsies, driving to the next city with all we needed crammed into the trunk; in those moments we did't need anything else, and those moments breathed a contentment into my heart that it had never felt before.

We drove for hours. The AC in our car was (and still is) broken, so once I was awake we put both windows all the way down trying to move the heavy air around as much as possible. Our shirts still clung to our damp backs, and I felt sticky under the humidity almost the whole way, but it wasn't too bad. We cranked the music up high, chewed on sunflower seeds, stuck our feet out the windows and sang at the top of our lungs. You made me laugh, and never got impatient with me when I had to stop so many times to use the bathroom.

The sun set somewhere over Iowa. It was the end of June and summer was in full swing, so I welcomed the coolness of dusk. The colors in front of us were fiery and bright and as we drove I wished I could stop the sun and have that sky forever.

For the next few weeks we would live amongst people we will most likely never see again, and it was sort of satisfying to know that for the next "x" amount of time all we had under that great big sky was each other, that everything else was superficial, and temporary. We relished in the dry heat of the big South Dakota sun, and I dreamed of summers at home in Nevada. Living that gypsy life alone I can't imagine to be very fulfilling, but that gypsy life with you was a dream. I have always felt that it has been us against the world, but South Dakota made me believe that with my whole entire heart.

Sioux Falls is home to one of the most beautiful parks I have ever seen, called Falls Park. An unexpected Monday off left us time to enjoy some sunshine there. We climbed all over the small cliffs and took some pictures before we headed to an office BBQ. This (above) is one of my very favorite pictures of us. I love that husband of mine. So much.

My Love Turns 25!!!

So Samuel's birthday is/was (as in it has already passed) September 7th.

Initially I had all of these big plans to take him on a camping trip up to Lost Lake where we would get lost in the beauty of our new home in Colorado and lost in each other...blah blah blah. Are you gagging yet? ;)

Well, that didn't happen....

Due to circumstances beyond my control, like...he had to go to Casper, WY (puke) for work, for his ENTIRE birthday week (puke), those plans got nixed. Shucks. So, luckily we had gone to a Broncos' game last week (their last preseason game against the Cardinals) for a little early birthday celebration.

^^^We were right behind the Cardinals' bench. I mean, I could literally see Larry Fitzgerald's jock strap lines through his pants. Gross, but just so you understand.^^^

Also, we had really great seats...ROW 5(!)...due to the fact that Sam has all of the best event ticket apps and is a masterful bargain shopper and also it was preseason, so there's that (they were NOT really $125.00 each). We had an awesomely fantastic time (almost as awesome as that old guy's orange cowboy hat). We both love football--thank goodness because I can't imagine if he didn't and I'm sure he can't imagine if I didn't with how many games we watch. This is important, because if one of us hated it, that person would be bored/mad a lot.

Anyway.

Thankfully Sam crammed in a ton of hours up in Casper so he could come home on his birthday instead of the next day like he was supposed to...that wouldn't have been fun! He opened presents in the morning, and my funny card got even funnier when it actually matched his shirt. Haha.

Then we went to the gym (he was having withdrawals because he wasn't able to go all week). That night I made him his favorite dinner (cream cheese chicken & rice, and spinach salad) I made him lemon bars (from scratch! *pats self on back*) in place of cake, because he doesn't like cake that much, and actually neither do I. Mostly we just wanted to sleep because we both had long work weeks. Gosh that makes me feel old.

Isn't he the cutest sleeper of all time though? ;)

Anyway, Happy Birthday Sammy ;) it is not everyday that you can check off a quarter of a century! See you at 50! (And a million times between now & then).

Also, I apologize for the abundance of parentheses in this post. I don't know what has gotten into me...

Burying My Weapons

Just because I am deeply and forever in love with my husband does not mean that I treat him perfectly, or that we do not have arguments. In fact, it means the exact opposite. I care so much about him and his opinion that if he disagrees with me about even the most trivial of things it often offends me, and I find myself giving him the silent treatment more often than I would like to admit.

The other night as we lay on opposite sides of our king bed with our backs turned to one another and a sea of sheets, blankets, and pillows between us, I was feeling angry and taking my go-to "vow of silence" with a pouty face and a hard heart. I lay there fully planning on just falling asleep and letting him suffer for his (I'm sure since I can't even remember what the argument was about) minor infraction.


Mostly I think I was just overly tired, and overly emotional, and over life at that moment. Instead of letting me go to bed mad, and letting our argument continue (which would have been very easy for him to do) I felt his hand fish under the covers for mine and a little smile grew on my face as he intertwined his fingers in mine. I then relented and let my toes wiggle towards his until my cold feet met his warm ones.

It is so hard to stay mad at a man who is so humble and willing to apologize for the silliest of things in order to try to mend my hurt feelings. If there is one thing I cherish about my husband it is that our relationship and my feelings are more important to him than his pride. He is almost always the first one to say "I'm sorry" and try to make amends. I am so grateful for that.

On the other hand, I also realize that I need to make a better effort to learn from his example and be more humble--not only in making amends after a fight, but also in establishing peace in place of conflict. I choose almost daily to take up my "weapons" (hurtful words/silence/etc.) against him. I arm myself with all of the things that I know will sting or hurt him, and I use them until I feel that my point has been made or my end met. Not okay. I know that Satan rejoices in our contention, and I don't want even the smallest amount of distance to grow between us while each storm blows over.

So, this is my resolution: instead of taking up arms against my husband and being defensive all the time, I will strive to be more composed, always trying to be in control of my emotions and responses instead of just naturally reacting and going with the "flow" of getting offended or angry. I have also really come to understand that I am responsible for making myself happy. I've heard that a million times in my life, but I never once thought about it in a marital setting since being married is so new for me. Yes, your spouse sure is a contributor to happiness in this life, but we are the primary care-takers of ourselves, and as such we can decide to be happy, always. Luckily, my spouse happens to try and do anything and everything he can to help me in that endeavor, but it is time that I understand that his behavior should not determine my disposition. I am the curator of my own happiness.

My word of advice to all the couples out there choosing to work at their relationship daily; hold hands if there is any tension between the two of you, and don't let go until you feel better. I promise the ill feelings won't last long ;)

"...they buried the weapons of war, for peace."

- Alma 24:19

Some puns about this post for you: we are at the Hopewell Mounds in Chillicothe, OH in these pictures where the Hopewell Indians buried their dead with their riches AND their weapons. Also, it is storming and we were both hoping that it would pass. I know...right?

Night Train

Dear Samuel,

I'll never forget that October night, almost two years ago--do you remember? That Monday night after Halloween weekend--the last one we shared before I had to get on that plane to go back to school and start missing you again. I think you know the one.

That night summed up all the giddiness of our weekend together. It was the perfect way to seal the memories of meeting your family, motorcycle rides around the lake, and our first I love you's.

We threw a mattress in the back of your truck, grabbed as many quilts and pillows as we could carry and ran out the door in the middle of the night. We drove down to the bridge by the railroad tracks and parked with the bed facing east.

We jumped out and emptied our pockets full of change onto the tracks to see how many coins we could smash under the heavy wheels of the late night train, then ran back to the truck to wait for it to come chugging by.

We rolled all the windows down and cranked up the music, then jumped in the back under the heavy warmth of the denim quilts we had brought. We lay there, trying not to freeze in the early winter air that always seems to hang over Bear Lake in late autumn. And we kissed.

We talked and laughed and got to know each other under a new level of trust and care than before. Pretty soon we heard the whistle of the train in the distance and we both jumped up and ran towards the track.

The wind rushed by my face and took my breath away as the big engine came roaring by, its bright light gleaming in your eyes, and me melting under your gaze. All the while my heart was beating louder than the sound of the steel on steel as the box cars kept passing just feet away. I can still feel that smile on my lips...

We lost almost all of the coins we had laid on the tracks, but we didn't care. I remember we were walking back to the truck under a billion stars when I thought, I will never get enough of this, enough of you.

We laid in the back of your truck, cuddled up in the same position for hours; unmoving as to not let even the slightest amount of cold air in. It was a crystal clear night, you know, one where it feels like you can see every single star sparkling in the sky. Little did we know, there was a meteor shower that night, as if the night could get anymore dream-like, and we fell asleep counting shooting stars while we talked about the future.

I ended up missing my 6:30am flight out of SLC that morning, but I'd say it was worth it. I'm so grateful for that night, and for all the amazing moments we have had together to fall so deep in love. I cherish every single one. I think this song was written just for us. Let's go listen to the night train...again ;)



Philippians 1:3

a birthday to remember.

samuel and i have actually never celebrated his birthday together before so this was a really special one for us both. i don't know about any of you, but birthdays have always been a big deal to me. i mean, when i was growing up i didn't even have to do my chores on my birthday! crazy, i know. that being said, i wanted samuel to know just how special he is to me and i wanted him to feel extra loved and spoiled on his day.

we started the day off in the best possible way. it's called a crepe bar! and it looks like this:

they were super delicious and totally fat free ;) (we wish).

after i sent my cute, birthday-having husband off to work i got busy in the kitchen--where i stayed busy all day! i made him a white cake (from scratch) with lemon buttercream frosting and lemon bars and chicken enchiladas and black beans! all on my travel size stove/oven in our trailer. go me. i know, you're impressed.

so that night we had logan and simon over for dinner. then we sang samuel the happy birthday song and watched him blow out all 24 candles. good thing he wasn't turning 25, candles only come in a pack of 24, i learned. and what a shame it would have been to need two packs for one more lousy candle.. ;)

happy birthday samuel! the seventh of september has never ever been better!!

i love you!  xo