the day i fell in love with my husband.

sometimes you just need to hear the sound of your own thoughts. and the hum of the air conditioner, because no one can think about anything when they are sweltering. and so what am i thinking about?

well, i'm thinking about yesterday. yesterday was a special day, and it wasn't special for any particular reason, and it wouldn't be special to anyone else besides me. but to me, yesterday was the best day of my marriage. yesterday was the day i fell in love with my husband.

i have loved this man for a long time, loved him with all that i am and all that i have. but there are particular moments when you actually fall for someone. in 2011 i fell in love with him on several different occasions when he was several different things to me. over a few months he was my friend, my boyfriend, and my fiance, and despite the titles changing, the love didn't deepen in them. the love deepened in little moments. here and there.

like falling in love with him for the first time on september 28th even though he was 4,344 miles away in Bonavista, Newfoundland (even though he didn't know it). and again on october 8th when he was in my city, in my heart, in my presence again for the first time in half a decade. i fell harder on october 12th when i found that note after he was gone. and even harder that night we watched the stars down by the river to greet november.

i fell all over again on thanksgiving after his voyage to africa and an absence of three weeks. that night in december packing up my apartment, and especially that christmas morning when he got down on one knee and asked me if i was ready to be with him forever.

it is these little moments that sustain a relationship. it is being able to see love as a process. and an infinite one at that. there will never be a time when you have "found" love. that is such a fallacy. that is why so many relationships fail. you aren't finished when you exchange rings, and say i do, and change your name.

i don't know if i was just naive, but i had this idea that after we were officially married things would just be so easy. i guess it might be because my parents just always made everything work and seem entirely effortless. but the fact is, it's not. but it's not hard either. it's just knowing that falling in love never ends. it is learning to recognize and appreciate those times when your feelings deepen for this amazing person that you are with.

it's been an interesting lesson to learn, and i have definitely grown from these last few months of trying to understand it. for the rest of my life there are going to be moments when my heart skips a beat, and my tummy jumps at the sight or sound of this man. (how amazing is that knowledge!?) and i need to cherish those moments. i need to fall in love with him periodically just like i did the first time, and the second, and the third. and on and on and on, forever.

nothing eventful happened yesterday. it was just me slowing down and taking the time to appreciate all of those things about my husband that i fell in love with in the first place. that maybe i have been taking for granted the last few months. especially his patience. and his smile that lights up his whole face. and the way he holds my hand. how selfless he is. and how amazing his kisses are. and how much he loves me.

yesterday was the first of these moments that i have had in a long time. and maybe i shouldn't say "had," but recognized. i have been in love this entire time, and happy. i have felt more loved than ever before, and i have never trusted anyone this much. nothing has been wrong, but for the first time since i said, "i do." i have fallen, again. yesterday, i was giddy and excited about our love. and i look forward to falling in love with this man over and over again. and i know i will. because he makes it so...easy.

when he went from being my "fiance" to my "husband." there wasn't a switch that was flipped that just changed everything about our relationship. we have to be the ones to make each other fall deeper and deeper in love. that happens not just by expressing our love to one another, but by letting ourselves take the time to really feel that love through those expressions--actions and words.

recognizing these times, like yesterday, is so important. they are what keep our feelings deep and rich for one another. they are what keep things going right, even if they aren't going wrong.

Vernon

after revelstoke we went to vernon. such a cool city. even though we were there for almost two weeks, it was so hectic i don't have a lot to write about it and i don't have many pictures either. my favorite part of vernon was playing beach volleyball a couple times. the best was when we went down to the beach at 9am and the sand was still damp from the light rain that night and the air was still crisp. this wasn't like playing with a bunch of people who can't even pass so you're just bored the whole time. some of you will know what i mean. no, this was fierce competition between athletes. i had so much fun. probably the best game of volleyball i have played since intramurals in college.

now when i say the beach i wish i meant the ocean, but where we were might as well have been. vernon is in the northern part of the okanagan region of british columbia which is known as canada's california. even though there isn't an ocean, the lakes there are amazing. especially kalamalka (that's where we played if you didn't get it).

vernon in my mind:

the best gym ever

swinging at the park

the courthouse

that antique store

beach volleyball

ultimate football

bbq

the movies
monopoly

denny's

fixing the iphones

slurpees

megan getting sick
the dryers at the laundromat that made my clothes smell. ick.

Revelstoke

oh my dear. revelstoke, british columbia. is. so. beautiful. 

i know i have been saying this a lot about every town i have posted about, but let me tell you what. this place is exceptionally magnificent. the mountains are huge. which is probably why the biggest attraction to the place is skiing and snowboarding. it is actually world famous with revelstoke mountain resort proudly boasting the longest vertical ski run in north america, the fourth longest in the world. we were there in june and there was still snow on the mountains, and not just a little. i only got a couple pictures of their majesty, but if you want to see some good ones you can visit the city website here or the resort website here. holy beautiful.

the other thing that makes this city so pretty is it's location right on the columbia river. for those of you who have never seen it, it is huge. and when there is a river in the middle of town there are always bridges which always seem to make things more beautiful. downtown revelstoke was so quaint and was home to a farmer's market that had so many unique stands. this railway city turned winter wonderland really charmed me. i loved it.

some crazy facts about revelstoke: 1) in the winter or 1971-1972 the city got just over 80 feet of snow. that's right, eight-y, not eight. so unbelievable. luckily we visited in the summer months. 2) the movie double jeopardy was filmed here, mostly featuring the town's historic courthouse. 3) the town is home to an abundant amount of professional ice hockey players.

revelstoke for me:

a walk in the rain

chocolate milk

chicken & rice

a fire by the river

sidewalk chalk
the random pictures on the walls

two a.m. seven-eleven run

espn trivia game

laundry in every province

a sunday drive in the mountains

a long sit
the angry sky

a good chat
yummy food  at emo's

Sicamous

so after we were in clearwater and before we moved to revelstoke we were in sicamous (sick-a-moose). sicamous is a wonderful little town on the banks of shuswap lake. a wonderful little town that doubles in size every summer. you see, sicamous is a very popular vacation, er, holiday (or so they say in canada) destination for the "alberians" (what they call people from alberta here in bc).

the town is located just north of salmon arm which is quite a bit bigger in size (and also where we stayed for the week). all i remember from sicamous is the rain. i have never been in so much rain. it rained for 3 days straight. like all day, and all night, and all day, and so on...for a solid 72 hours+. are you kidding me? i have the most vivid memories of cold feet, always. and soggy socks, ew.

sicamous was so beautiful though. the lake was so high, a lot of people were in danger of flooding (which isn't uncommon here, i guess). this was all so new to me coming from nevada, the land of no rain (story about this later). this town is also home to a dairy that makes thee best chocolate milk ever. or maybe it just tasted so good because it was in a glass bottle? either way. 

sicamous memories:

the rain

sitting in an old truck

paintings 

technologically speaking

the rain

we usually don't do this

the wood stove

photography

the rain

Clearwater

once upon a time, after we were in quesnel, we stopped in a little place called clearwater. clearwater is located just south of wells gray provincial park. which means that it is beautiful. duh, what did you think i was going to say? wells gray provincial park protects a good bit of the cariboo mountains (yes, that is how it is spelled, spelt?) and is home to 39 waterfalls. 39! isn't that crazy? while we were there, we got to see two of the biggest ones. first was helmcken. and is it just me or does that sound like a name from lord of the rings?

next we saw dawson falls. both waterfalls are on the murtle river, which is raging. clearwater is actually famous for its world-class white water rafting. unfortunately we were only there for one day so we didn't get the chance to go. it's okay though because we spent the day running through the woods like mad people, ducking, and dodging and jumping over roots and rocks. it was a real adventure. feast your eyes on this video of drew the spartan throwing spears into the canyon:

so obviously we had a good time. i really think i beheld some of the most beautiful views i have ever seen in my life. in my l i f e. the fun didn't stop there though. nope, we went back to the campground, roasted hot dogs, and watched the boys jump off some stranger's dock into the lake. burr. here is a video. you're welcome.

clearwater was:

the greenest of green

way too quick

the best forest smell

risky

the prettiest drive

a bear on the side of the road

giant muffins

laughing

everyone together

until they are gone.

most humans have a similar tendency. some say it is just human nature, some say it is ingratitude. regardless, it happens all the time. there are so many cases that they have written books and made motion pictures all about it. this tendency is to not appreciate the ones we love enough until they are gone.

it is funny--you see, we love these people, and maybe we even say to them how much we love them. maybe even a lot. but somehow we forget to show them all the time. the pattern is an old one. one discussed often; perhaps so excessively that it has now become redundant. nevertheless, i still have my story to share, my feelings to express, my lessons to learn.

is it not a little bit weird that the people whom we neglect are the people we are around the most? i do nice things for people i barely know more often than i do for my own family members. our family members somehow always get the brunt of our anger, the burden of our sadness, the shock of our embarrassments. rarely do they get the fullness of our love.

as you can see, i've been pondering things lately. and samuel and i made a pact the other day that we are going to do our best from here on out to live our lives with no regrets. this caused me look back on my interactions with people--mostly my family--and think about things i do regret. so i've asked myself, "how can i restore these relationships and feel satisfaction in them instead of regret?" in other words. it's time to make some things right.

now, luckily my list of regrets isn't extremely long. it is really only a couple of things that need a bit of mending. and number one on the list is letting this one really special girl know how much i love her.

so, nychea, my beautiful little sister. i'm sorry that i haven't shown you enough how much i adore you. you are so positive, you are so happy, and you always make everyone else around you happy as well. i love how excited you get over everything. you are so full of life and so passionate. i love that about you. you are so kind to everyone, and you have the best smile. i love how you are always smiling.
i am sorry that it has taken me until i have been married and moved away from home to realize how lucky i am to be your sister and have your shining presence in my life. i am truly blessed by all that you have added to our family. i really adore you nychea and i think i believe in you more than you believe in yourself. if there is anything you lack it is confidence. you are so beautiful and athletic and smart! i know that you can do anything that you want to if you just work hard enough. i so wish i could spend more time with you. i cannot wait until megan's wedding! we are going to have so much fun.

i still see you as the little girl with lion hair in the mornings, but when i look at you i am amazed at what a beautiful person you have become. i can't believe that you are going to be a senior this year! and i am so proud of you for being brave enough to make big changes despite dissenting voices. you are one of my heros and i love you more than you will ever know. i know that this is just a blog post about you, but since we can't talk a lot while i'm in canada i hope it means as much to you as it does to me.
see you in october pretty girl. until then i hope you know i am missing you terribly. you. are. wonderful.
and yes i cried while writing this.

Quesnel

after taylor, we made a long trek south to quesnel. now, don't be confused. quesnel doesn't sound like 'quez-nel,' it sounds like. 'que-nel.' apparently it's french, and it is probably a smart idea to learn that before you go asking people in town all sorts of questions about what it is like in quesnel, and how is the weather in quesnel? and what do you do in quesnel for fun? shoot. right?

now the only thing i regret about quesnel is not taking enough pictures. i took one on the way down there (not even sure where we were). and then this one:

and it's sad because quesnel was truly a beautiful little town. two rivers run through quesnel, the simon fraser river and the quesnel river. there are so many beautiful bridges and foot paths to walk on. the town is pretty much picture perfect. which is why i regret so badly my lack of pictures.

there is a splash park in the middle of town next to the little league field that looks like it came straight out of a movie, and the place is just covered in trees. and the people were so nice. goodness.

one silly thing, quesnel claims to be home to the world's largest gold pan. apparently this is a thing. and apparently it is disputed heavily by a few other towns on this earth. weird. you can see a picture of quesnel's gold pan here.

the only down-side to this beautiful place was the smell. yuck. there is a plywood plant and a paper mill in town and that stuff does not smell good, people.

my memories of quesnel:

kickball in the park.

hazel's vancouver stories.

amazing back yards.

almonds and dried cherries.

taking out someone's trash for them.

the smell--unfortunately.

logan coming to canada.

air-locking the water pump.

beautiful walks in the country.

slurpees.

sunday on the bridge.

and i jacked some pictures from my friend shakeh :)

and then some more from my friend devon :)

Taylor

not far from fort st. john there is a little town called taylor. that's where we went next.

i was taking pictures of this cute old anglican church when a nice woman came up to me and told me a bit about its history.

she said that a man named otto hoffstrom had four daughters, and one day they were crossing the peace river on the ferry. when they were about to drive off the ferry that day, their car somehow rolled into the river. all four girls were killed.

it is such a sad story, but in memory of the four girls volunteers from taylor erected this quaint little chapel in 1932.

it was so beautiful in taylor. it seriously looked like something straight out of a movie. it was so green and it is an old town so there was so much history. and there was a lot of farming there so i just felt right at home. i loved it.

things i still remember:

a birthday party in a back yard.

the empty playground at the elementary school.

the rain.

the sunshine.

the hillside full of green green trees.

the farm on spruce street n.

a glass of water from a stranger.

the big white house.

running to the esso.

the community curling and ice center.